At our kink 101 class earlier this month we covered everything from terminology to hands-on skills. There was a rope bondage demonstration along with a chance for attendees to learn some rope skills, and a demo of hair pulling and the places on the body that are safe for impact play. We even had show-and-tell of a variety of toys, giving everyone a chance to feel different flogger materials, cane styles, and more.
One of the highlights was when attendees were filling out their yes/no/maybe lists and we got to talk about fetishes some people hadn’t heard of. We had at least one person who was a solid ‘no’ on clown play! If you missed out, never fear, we’ve got some class highlights for you below:
Do you know how to negotiate kink play? It doesn’t have to be complicated, but there are some basics you should cover before getting down to business. Just like talking about sex, it’s best to talk in advance of play – not in the bedroom or the dungeon – so there’s no incentive to rush through the conversation.
When you negotiate, be sure you know your hard limits – those are things you absolutely don’t want. They can be sexual, or they can be parts of your body you don’t like touched, or they can even be words or names you don’t want used. If you get these out of the way in advance, you can just relax and enjoy play when it’s happening.
Don’t forget that the scene’s not over until it’s over – and that means aftercare too. When we’ve gone through something intense, we all need something different to recover. Many people want a glass of water and a blanket, some want snuggles, and some people want to be left alone. For some, they want check-ins hours or days later. Be sure you and your play partner are on the same page about these things before you play, so there are no hurt feelings after.
If you’re new to kink, don’t be afraid to start slow. You can always do more later, but if you go too far you can’t take it back. Some of this is dangerous stuff, and it’s worth taking the time to learn how to do it right.
Going slow can be part of the fun – exploring new things with a partner is a great way to build intimacy and connection. And the sense of exploration itself is fun, regardless of what you’re doing. In order to set the tone for exploration, consider the language that you use. Rather than saying “would you like to do” such and such, how about “would you like to try?” Using the word “try” sets the tone for exploration, rather than having a goal in mind.
Another way to set an exploratory tone is to remember anyone can change their mind at any time. If you know you can stop, there’s less reason not to give something a try. Negotiate in advance that you’re going to go slow and try new things, and make sure to check in often so no one is outside of their comfort zone.
One hesitation people have around kink is that they’re afraid it will hurt. Sure, sometimes that’s true, but there are plenty of kinky things that cause no pain at all. Bondage doesn’t have to be painful, or even uncomfortable. Try soft bindings, or fur lined cuffs, and you can get the feeling of vulnerability without being distracted by pain or discomfort. Sensory depravation, like blindfolds, also help intensify any experience, and don’t bring any discomfort at all. There are many soft and sensual fabrics you can choose from.
A great complement to both bondage and blindfolds is sensation play. This means simply playing with different sensations – from feathers to fur to warm and cold temperatures, you can build a whole scene around providing different sensations – and all of them can be pleasant.
If you want to try any of this, or any other kinks, come down to our retail location and let our staff help you find just the right toys and tools to play with. And don’t miss our next class, Modern Dating, on September 27th.