Education

At our kink 101 class earlier this month we covered everything from terminology to hands-on skills. There was a rope bondage demonstration along with a chance for attendees to learn some rope skills, and a demo of hair pulling and the places on the body that are safe for impact play. We even had show-and-tell of a variety of toys, giving everyone a chance to feel different flogger materials, cane styles, and more.

One of the highlights was when attendees were filling out their yes/no/maybe lists and we got to talk about fetishes some people hadn’t heard of. We had at least one person who was a solid ‘no’ on clown play! If you missed out, never fear, we’ve got some class highlights for you below:

Do you know how to negotiate kink play? It doesn’t have to be complicated, but there are some basics you should cover before getting down to business. Just like talking about sex, it’s best to talk in advance of play – not in the bedroom or the dungeon – so there’s no incentive to rush through the conversation.

When you negotiate, be sure you know your hard limits – those are things you absolutely don’t want. They can be sexual, or they can be parts of your body you don’t like touched, or they can even be words or names you don’t want used. If you get these out of the way in advance, you can just relax and enjoy play when it’s happening.

Don’t forget that the scene’s not over until it’s over – and that means aftercare too. When we’ve gone through something intense, we all need something different to recover. Many people want a glass of water and a blanket, some want snuggles, and some people want to be left alone. For some, they want check-ins hours or days later. Be sure you and your play partner are on the same page about these things before you play, so there are no hurt feelings after.

If you’re new to kink, don’t be afraid to start slow. You can always do more later, but if you go too far you can’t take it back. Some of this is dangerous stuff, and it’s worth taking the time to learn how to do it right.

Going slow can be part of the fun – exploring new things with a partner is a great way to build intimacy and connection. And the sense of exploration itself is fun, regardless of what you’re doing. In order to set the tone for exploration, consider the language that you use. Rather than saying “would you like to do” such and such, how about “would you like to try?” Using the word “try” sets the tone for exploration, rather than having a goal in mind.

Another way to set an exploratory tone is to remember anyone can change their mind at any time. If you know you can stop, there’s less reason not to give something a try. Negotiate in advance that you’re going to go slow and try new things, and make sure to check in often so no one is outside of their comfort zone.

One hesitation people have around kink is that they’re afraid it will hurt. Sure, sometimes that’s true, but there are plenty of kinky things that cause no pain at all. Bondage doesn’t have to be painful, or even uncomfortable. Try soft bindings, or fur lined cuffs, and you can get the feeling of vulnerability without being distracted by pain or discomfort. Sensory depravation, like blindfolds, also help intensify any experience, and don’t bring any discomfort at all. There are many soft and sensual fabrics you can choose from.

A great complement to both bondage and blindfolds is sensation play. This means simply playing with different sensations – from feathers to fur to warm and cold temperatures, you can build a whole scene around providing different sensations – and all of them can be pleasant.

If you want to try any of this, or any other kinks, come down to our retail location and let our staff help you find just the right toys and tools to play with. And don’t miss our next class, Modern Dating, on September 27^th.

KINK 101  JULY 19th 7:00PM – 8:30PM, 300 SW 12th AVENUE PORTLAND, OR 97205

Kink and BDSM are all the rage these days, so maybe you’ve read something or seen something that caught your attention but you don’t know where to start in real life. With a little bit of information and know-how, you can introduce kink into your own play right now!

Part of what’s sexy about kink is that it’s a way to communicate about and experiment with new things. Everyone likes a change of pace now and then. And kink presents some wonderful tools for playing with vulnerability and enhancing intimacy and connection.

No idea where to start, or what you’d even enjoy? No problem. This class will give an overview of common kinks and you’ll get a yes/no/maybe list to take home as a starting point to think about what you’d like to try. We’ll also discuss safety, consent, and negotiation and you’ll leave with ideas of how to incorporate a few kinks into your own sex life.

Want to dig even deeper? You’ll leave class knowing where to get more information, including how to get involved in the Portland kink scene.

Class attendees will have a chance to win generous raffle items and will even get a 20% off discount to shop in the store!

As always, there will be time for Q&A, and all ages, genders, and orientations are welcome.

Advance tickets are strongly suggested.  Tickets can be purchased at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/1816618

About the instructor: Stella Harris is an author, educator, and coach who focuses on intimacy and connection. As a certified Intimacy Educator, she uses a variety of tools to guide and empower her clients and she teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. She has presented classes for a variety of organizations including the Portland Leather Alliance, the Portland Academy of Sex Ed, Sex Positive Portland, and more, and has spoken at Portland State University, Reed College, and Pacific University. Stella is widely published in print and online, from erotic fiction to educational and lifestyle pieces on sex and kink.

Stella is working to build a world where everyone has the tools to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. Learn more at www.stellaharris.net

Last month Spartacus held an in-store class called Communication in the Bedroom: Asking for What You Want. We had a great group of people turn out and an educational (and fun!) time was had by all.

We talked about the barriers to asking for what we want; fear, shame, uncertainty, and more, as well as what happens when we repress our desires. Next, we explored some common fantasies and class attendees had a chance to workshop some of their own fantasies and work through ways to incorporate seemingly impossible desires into real life play.

For those of you who missed the class, here are some valuable take-aways:

• Sex is something we’re expected to know how to do, even without good models of how to learn. Anything else as complex as sex is taught by example and with hands on practice. So if you’re unsure about something, you’re not alone.
• When you learn to ask open ended questions you get more useful information about what your partner likes. For example, instead of asking “is this okay,” try “would this be better harder or softer?” If you’re still not sure what to say, try “what would make this better?”
• Adding “try” to the question you’re asking, or the activity you’re requesting can remove some pressure. It sounds less goal oriented and creates room for experimentation. For example, instead of asking, “Do you want to get spanked?” consider “would you like to try some spanking?”
• Create a safe space for your partner to talk about what they want by going first. Once you demonstrate vulnerability they might feel more comfortable doing so too.
• Not used to asking for what you want? Try making a game of it. Set aside some time for play, and make a game out of it. Ask for every little thing, “kiss me here, touch me here…”
• Don’t negotiate naked. Make a special time to talk about trying new things, and do it when there’s no rush and everyone is in a good mood (not tired, well fed, etc.)
• Remember, “no” is always a valid answer. If you hear no, take it gracefully.
• What if you’re the one saying no? Try “no thank you,” or add “thank you for asking,” or, if you mean it, “maybe later.”
• Don’t want what was offered but still want something? That’s what negotiation is for. How about, “Thank you for asking, I don’t want _______ but how about we snuggle?”
• If you aren’t sure what you want, take some time to explore your fantasies. What have you enjoyed in the past? What kind of porn, pictures, or stories turn you on?
• You can also explore these things with a partner. Reading erotica together, or watching sexy movies or porn, can give you a shared reference point to talk about things you might like to try.

Generous raffle prizes were given out and after class people took advantage of the 20% discount offered to class attendees and had a great time shopping. Wigs, corsets, and feathers were tried on, and many sex toys were explored.

Sounds like fun, right? Don’t miss out on the next class –  Kink 101 on July 19^th. We’ll go over common (and uncommon) kinks and explore ways to safely incorporate them into your own play. And be sure to follow Spartacus on Facebook [https://www.facebook.com/spartacus.retail] and Twitter [https://twitter.com/SpartacusPDX] to keep up to date on all the latest news, events, and promotions!